$4.65

Not including cute girl.

This site helped me immensely! Thanks!

Held

When Nora was delivered, I found out that my uterus is unicornuate - essentially, I have half a uterus.  After doing some research, I realized how blessed I was to have her, and that I may have complications in any future pregnancy.  While my pregnancy with Hannah went well and turned out well, there was one little hiccup.  I had a repeat cesarean, and the doctor made a comment about a "window" while she was operating.  We asked her about it later, and she said that my prior cesarean scar was so thin in one place that she could see Hannah through it, and that she only needed her fingers to open my uterus for delivery - no instruments.  We asked her what that meant, and she told us that we should not have any more children, as this window was likely to recur, and could rupture easily.  At that moment, I mourned the fact that I would not ever bear another child.  Upon further reflection, we came to realize that again we were blessed that Hannah (and I) were even here.  I am so grateful that God kept us safe.  I am still struggling, some days more than others, but I feel like I'm starting to come to a place of acceptance.  This powerful song had me sobbing in the days just after Hannah was born, and it still makes me tear up.  Life was not promised to be easy, but I know God is holding me.

Held (Natalie Grant)

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
[Repeat Chorus]
This is what it means to be held